Raising Godly Children

Rod Robison

The television industry is in a battle. Its weapons are a potent concoction of sexually titillating programming launched with savvy marketing tools aimed at your family, and especially your kids and grandkids. In recent years hundreds of cable and satellite networks have flooded the marketplace. The result has been that each of them shares a thin slice of the viewing public pie. Competition for the pie is fierce. So, many of these networks have introduced sexually explicit programs in an effort to lure viewers. Network executives know that younger viewers are drawn to such programming. And, most importantly, they know that young people make up the lucrative market advertisers crave most.

In his book, “Who Speaks for God,” Charles Colson tells of a humbling experience he endured one night at a banquet. He was seated next to the president of one of the major television networks. Colson saw the seating arrangement as a rare opportunity to convince the network president of the value of airing more family oriented programming. After all, a Gallup study proved that there are over fifty million born-again Christians in the United States. What a financial boon it would be to the network if they would pursue this huge block of viewers by offering them good clean programs.

Colson marshaled all of his persuasive abilities as he made his best case. The network president listened politely. At the end of Colson’s presentation the network president asked this question: “What you’re suggesting, Mr. Colson, is that we air more programs like, say, ‘Chariots of Fire?’”

“Yes!” Colson exclaimed, “That’s a great movie with a marvelous Christian message.”

The network president went on to explain that his network had, in fact, aired that movie just a few months before. That same night the other two networks were airing “On Golden Pond” and “My Mother’s Secret Life”, a show about a mother hiding her past as a prostitute, both of which did very well in the ratings. “Chariots of Fire”, on the other hand, brought in very poor ratings and was a big money loser for the network.

“So,” he concluded, “where are your fifty million born-again Christians, Mr. Colson?”

Unfortunately, numerous studies indicate that the viewing habits of Christians are not, on the average, any different than those of non-Christians. The so-called “family hour,” that a few years ago the major television networks instituted after being pressured by concerned groups, has all but vanished from the airwaves. And, instead, networks are in a race to see which one can titillate the most, push the envelope of decency the farthest, and score the highest shock value.

I remember several years ago when a major network featured the first openly homosexual character on a prime time program. It was big news. The Church was outraged. Letters poured into the network’s headquarters. Things certainly have changed, haven’t they? Just yesterday I saw a tabloid headline that declared “T.V. Goes Gay Crazy.” Featuring homosexual lifestyles in a positive light is now the norm. And it’s a trend that has invaded countless programs.

Entertainment Weekly, not exactly your most morally conservative magazine, even questioned the moral depths to which television has plunged. Frankly, I debated whether I should share with you the gory details of what is available to our kids on a daily basis via the T.V., as reported in that magazine. But I don’t know how else to make the point clear. So here goes…

Entertainment Weekly reported in its August 11th issue that MTV recently featured close-up video of the dissection of comedian Tom Green’s diseased testicle. On various networks a prime time commercial for Eddie Murphy’s Nutty Professor II: The Klumps suggests oral sex between a man and his grandmother. This past summer CBS proudly aired a Reebok shoes commercial featuring a mock but obvious homosexual act. Reebok’s VP of brand communications, John Wardley, stated in the article that the commercial was aimed at the 16-24 year old market. The writer of the article summarized, “The notion of indecency has become obsolete.”

The prime time program Undressed, which interweaves 23 different story lines of sexual exploits, is winning a following with the young MTV crowd. A few years ago the WB Network discovered the same mother lode of teen and young adult audience sexploitation and began mining the market with Dawson’s Creek. Entertainment Weekly called Dawson’s Creek, “The frankest depiction of teenage sexuality ever seen on the small screen.” Variety exclaimed, “If hormones were explosives, this would be World War III.” The Washington Post and USA Today agree that Creek is “a raging stream of hormones,” and “a one-hour ride on the Raging Teen-Hormone Express.”

Last summer on the cartoon South Park one of the main characters gets hooked up with an organization that advocates pedophilia. In the episode one of the members declares, “We are an organization dedicated to showing that sex between a man and a young boy can be a beautiful thing…”

The Howard Stern Show regularly features vulgarities, perversions, and illicit sex as its subject matter, as does a growing number of other prime time shows. What was once relegated to the late night hours of extra charge channels like HBO and Cinemax is now splashed across the screens of prime time television in a network race to see which one can most effectively prove the maxim “sex sells.”

If I were writing a book I might have the space to scratch the surface of the moral depravity available to our kids with the push of the remote button or simply by “stumbling” across it while panning the dial. But I think you get the idea. Most of us have a moral bomb in our living rooms. We can’t expect our kids to diffuse it. So that leaves you and me.

Some families have chosen to “clean house” by tossing out the TV. Many have found this option to be a refreshing change and one they have been able to make permanent. Perhaps more families have tried eliminating the “boob tube” from their lives, only to find themselves sheepishly returning it to their living rooms in a weak moment. For the family that wants to keep a television in their home, but only if it can be controlled, here are a few suggestions:

1. CONSIDER YOUR HOME A SANCTUARY AND YOUR TV A GUEST

Your home is the one place your family can take daily refuge in from the onslaught of negative influences in society. All other attempts to tame the TV must revolve around this one point. When you dedicate your home to the Lord, you are setting it aside; sanctifying it, if you will, for the special purpose of “growing” your family.

Your TV is not a part of the family. It is a guest in your home. As with any guest, you expect it to behave within certain moral guidelines. If any other guest in your home were to tell lewd jokes to your children, brag explicitly about his sexual exploits, take the Lord’s name in vain, or relate gratuitously violent stories you would undoubtedly ask that guest to change his behavior. Why should the TV be any different?

2. TAKE A LEADERSHIP ROLE

Both mother and father must lead the way. Don’t be afraid to change the channel when needed. Your children will respect you and follow your example more readily when they see your consistency.

3. TEACH YOUR FAMILY TO THINK CRITICALLY

It’s not enough to tell your children they can’t watch something simply because “it’s bad.” If you expect them to make mature, informed decisions on their own some day, you must first give them a values base from which to make those decisions.

Teach them to understand the true nature of TV as it relates to God’s Word. Make them aware of the fact that the number one reason TV exists at all is because someone wants to sell them something.

The average high school graduate has viewed over 350,000 commercials. If your children are taught to watch commercials critically, to look for the half truths and manipulation of much of commercialism, they will be better able to say no to the flood of materialism that is so much a part of TV.

Teach them to look for the philosophical message in television programs. I remember watching an episode of a popular “family” program a few years ago. This was a program that most people would consider safe for family viewing. Yet this particular episode gave a thumbs up to premarital sex between two teenagers.

Make your family aware of the fact that there is no such thing as an unbiased opinion. Everyone, including television executives, writers, newscasters and actors, have a philosophical bent. Quite often that bias is promoted through the powerfully persuasive medium of television which they control.

The now famous Lichter-Rothman study of 350 media elite surveyed the top decision-makers in national news, movies and entertainment television. The responses given by those leaders indicated an overwhelmingly liberal stance on such issues as abortion, homosexuality being taught in schools, adultery and Christian values. Yet the most striking finding of the study was that 66% of those television entertainment leaders surveyed felt that television should be used to promote social reform. So if you don’t think that these leaders use their power base to influence your kids, think again.

Finally, teach your children to watch for the interplay of good versus evil in the story line of a program. Does the program glorify evil or is evil depicted in order to show its true nature. Sometimes Christians are too quick to criticize the depiction of evil without examining whether or not its depiction is necessary to demonstrate its wrongness. There is a difference between gratuitous evil meant to titillate and limited but necessary depiction of evil.

4. BECOME AN INFORMED VIEWER

Subscribe to American Family Journal (available at www.afo.org), Media Watch, Plugged In (available at www.family.org) or other publications that can keep you up on quality programs as well as those you want to be wary of. You’ll also want to check out these websites for other helpful hints.

www.family.org/pplace/pi/tv/

www.liveit.net/family/mfam20000922.html

www.liveit.net/family/mfam19990108.html

5. PLAN YOUR VIEWING AHEAD

Avoid watching TV just for the sake of watching. Use the TV programming schedule to help you decide what is worthy of your family’s time. Consider limiting the number of hours the TV may be on in your home.

6. CARTOONS WITHOUT COMMERCIALS

When my daughter was younger we had a video tape labeled “cartoons without commercials”. This is a tape I put together one Saturday morning. The several hours of programs are all “parent-approved” and free of commercials. She watched it countless times.

7. CONSIDER THE TRUE VALUE OF A CAMCORDER

One weekend my wife and I took the plunge and invested in a camcorder. We couldn’t afford it (we thought), but we’ve never regretted buying it. That was fifteen years ago. In that time we’ve captured hours of memories that would have otherwise faded with the years. To this day my kids still love watching their younger years on TV. This is not an option for everyone, but the cost may be more affordable than you think when measured against the memories you’ll capture.

8. PLAN FAMILY ACTIVITIES

One of the most destructive things about TV is not only its potential negative influence, but its tendency to rob your family of the positive things in life. In other words, what could you be doing with the time now spend in front of the TV? Could that time be used more constructively? Family activities will give you a good excuse to spend time away from your TV and with each other. But you must plan those times or you may never get around to doing them. Hiking, bowling, stargazing, going to museums, swimming, camping, reading together, concerts or whatever your family enjoys doing will be enriching experiences that television can never duplicate.

9. FILL YOUR HOME WITH GOOD MUSIC

The television is often used to provide background noise in the home. If you’re not actively — and critically — watching it, turn it off and turn on good music. Quality music helps set the tone for your family sanctuary.

10. SET A BOOK GOAL

Some years ago I started setting a goal of so many books to be read in the coming year. A couple of years circumstances have caused me to miss it, but that’s ok. I still read more books than I would have had I not set a goal.

By setting a goal, whether monthly or annually, you are disciplining yourself to spend the time necessary to meet the goal – much of which might otherwise be spent in front of the TV.

Have you ever noticed how much better you feel, how much more fulfilled, after reading a book as opposed to watching an hour of TV? There’s a reason. Reading forces your mind to visualize the action. Television visualizes it for you. Reading allows you to stop and think critically about the material. The action on television goes by so quickly that there is precious little time to think. Reading puts your mind in an active state. Television puts your mind in a passive state. A number of scientific studies suggest that when your mind is in a passive state the messages it is receiving imprint themselves more readily onto your subconscious without first going through your mind’s rational-critical grid. In short, reading is exercising your mind; watching TV is putting your mind on pause to a great degree. Sometimes we need to put our minds on pause, but too much inactivity brings on mental atrophy.

11. DON’T CONFUSE THE MESSENGER WITH THE MESSAGE.

Television programming is made up of two components: The Messenger and The Message. The Messenger is the vehicle in which The Message is carried. The physical make-up of the program — the characters, the action, the dialogue, etc. – is The Messenger. The philosophical tone and moral lesson of the program is The Message. Sometimes The Messenger can be good while the Message is destructive. For instance, a movie that has no nudity, swearing, or violent content (The Messenger) might still have a very negative moral lesson (The Message). Just because a program has no obvious “objectionable” content doesn’t mean it’s good for your family.

Conversely, another program might have some violent content (The Messenger) but have a very positive moral lesson (The Message). An example of this would be, at least in my mind, the movie “Saving Private Ryan.” Although I would not recommend the movie for young kids due to its violent content, it has a very powerful, positive message of heroism and patriotism.

By evaluating a program’s Messenger/Message content you’ll be better able to evaluate its value for your family.

12. Consider what effect these few words from Scripture would have on the content of television programming if they were used as a guideline by the television industry. Perhaps more realistically, what effect will they have on your family’s viewing habits?

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.

Phillipians 4:8 NIV

Rod Robison is the Vice President of Development for Family Life Communications Incorporated.

by Dr. Todd Cartmell

A family came to see me recently with a similar problem. Megan Williams (names have been changed) is a 10-year-old girl who has a mind of her own and isn’t afraid to use it. With her quick thinking and extra helping of spunk, she’ll have no problem becoming a successful trial lawyer. While this all bodes well for her future career prospects, it makes for rough going at home. Megan’s mom, Bonnie, can’t figure out why Megan argues about everything. Even something as simple as brushing her teeth can require the negotiation skills of a professional mediator.

“I’ve told her to stop arguing a thousand times,” Bonnie sighs. “I just want her to listen.”

Webster’s Dictionary tells us that the word discipline comes from the Latin word discipulus, which means learner. We often think that discipline means the same thing as punishment. But it

doesn’t. It means learning, teaching, instructing, guiding. That’s why Proverbs tells us to “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6).

Let’s use a musical example. If Bonnie wanted Megan to learn how to play the piano, she’d find a good piano teacher. Between lessons, Megan would practice her new skills. With continued instruction and practice, Megan’s piano skills would gradually improve.

This is what happens when you remember that discipline is about learning. Bonnie wants Megan to be a better listener. In other words, she wants Megan to be a fast listener, not a slow listener.

It works like this: When a parent asks a child to do something, he says, “Okay, Mom,” or respectfully asks a question. Then he does whatever’s been asked. This definition of fast listening applies to almost any request you make of your kids. You want them to respond quickly and respectfully. If they have a question, you want them to ask it politely.

Just like a piano teacher, we need to teach our kids new listening skills and then practice them regularly. Sit down together and explain the “Fast Listening” plan. Keep it simple. Then, spend a few minutes practicing the plan together through role play. For example, pretend that you’re asking your child to turn off the tv, and let her practice saying, “Okay, Mom,” and turning the tv off. Give her a big hug and tell her she did an awesome job. Then pretend you’re asking her to pick up a couple toys, and so on. Spend about five minutes practicing three or four times a week. Make sure the practices are fun, fast-paced, and filled with positive attention. Here are a few other ideas for reviewing the plan:

•Talk about past negative situations (how the Fast Listening plan could have been used).

•Talk about past positive situations (how the Fast Listening plan was used).

•Review the positive results of the Fast Listening plan.

Eventually, you’ll see your child begin to master this simple plan and you can practice less often. The main idea is that you’re teaching her how to handle everyday situations in a way that honors God by treating others respectfully. Now that’s biblical discipline.

Todd Cartmell is a child psychologist and popular workshop speaker. He is the author of Keep the Siblings, Lose the Rivalry and The Parent Survival Guide (both from Zondervan). Visit his website at www.drtodd.net.

Copyright © 2005 by the author or Christianity Today International/Christian Parenting Today magazine.

Click here for reprint information on Christian Parenting Today.

Winter 2005, Vol. 18, No. 1, Page 16

Kid’s Need Godly Parents

My husband Gerald and I have been married for 13 years and we have a son and a daughter ages 9 and11. We have both been involved in the children ministry since our first born was 2. We enjoy parenting; serving the Lord and helping people grow spiritually. I am so excited to share with you what God has taught Gerald and I over these last 11 years and what God has revealed to me during the writing of this program.

Gerald and I have come to realize that parenting is easy but godly parenting can be extremely challenging. We have not mastered it and will never. But we can say with confidence, when God is the center, it makes everything else easier. God as the center; what does that mean? It means exactly what Joshua told the Israelites in Deut. 6:5-6.

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Deuteronomy 6:5-6

This means that from the time you wake until the time you go to bed, God is your leader and your focus. When it comes to your children, you are doing everything that it takes to help them know God and to establish a relationship with God. So you see being intentional in our children’s lives all start with us.

My daughter was so excited about the middle school Bible study class which was starting in a couple of weeks at our church. When God put it on my heart to lead this class, I became concerned that my daughter would be less excited about it when she found out that I would be her teacher. So I asked her how does she feel about me being the teacher and she responded, “Mom I am fine with this because you always teach me about the Bible.” Parents – God has given us this responsibility and not the church!

God has given parents a big task and that is to love the Lord with all of our heart, soul and strength. So to do this, we must first accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. So many times, we as Christians accept Jesus as Savior but not as Lord. When Jesus is Lord over our lives – He is important to our lives and we obey His rules. Our desire is to please Him always and not when it is convenient.

We need to show our children what it looks like to have Jesus as Lord. We need to make the commitment that Joshua did in Joshua 24:15.

My family and I are going to worship and obey the LORD (CEV)!
It is this commitment that will catapult your family into a life of serving and worshiping God.

Unfortunately, many Christians haven’t taken this crucial step in surrendering everything to God. They have not made the commitment that Joshua made for his family. This is evident in the research done by Barna Group. One research test reveals that –

Only 15% of parents placed their faith in God at the top of their priority list.

We have to make God a priority, not our children, not our job and not our desires.

Only 20% of parents cited having a significant faith commitment and an identifiable set of religious beliefs as an ingredient required for parental success.

Many Christian parents are raising their children for the world and not God. So what is really important to Christian parents? Well further research described what parents felt were the most important outcomes they are devoted to helping their children experience:
39% good education
24% feeling loved
22% meaningful relationship with Christ
4% moral values

Christian parents must make God a priority if they want their children to make Him a priority. Do as I say and not as I do, does not work. Our children are watching and emulating what we do!
50% of children are led to Christ by their parents.

Will your children be led to Christ as a result of seeing your commitment to Christ or will they be led away from Christ

Your children are looking for godly role models; will they find one in you?

Kathy Kirk copyrighted 2008. Read more articles at www.MyChildsHeart.org