Todd E. Linaman, Ph.D

Many Americans are now struggling with the emotional aftermath of our recent national tragedies. Of all the normal emotional, psychological and physical responses we experience in times like these, anger is perhaps the most challenging to process and manage effectively.

How you choose to respond to your anger in the days, weeks and months ahead will make a difference in the quality of your relationships, your physical and emotional well being and your effectiveness in bringing about positive and constructive change. Here are some practical tips you can use to help you manage your anger more effectively.

1. Understand What Anger Is

Anger is not sin, but rather a natural, God-given physiological response to hurt, fear and frustration. When we believe that we have been mistreated or when we experience disappointment related to an unmet need or want our bodies prepare for action. It is this physiological response that we call anger. Anger has the potential to help us protect others and ourselves and can serve as a catalyst to bring about needed change, however, its relative value is largely determined by what we decide to do with it.

2. Control Your Initial Response

The emotional and physical numbness triggered by a traumatic event typically gives way to feelings of anger that can range from mild agitation to violent rage. The greater the sense of hurt, fear and frustration, the greater the intensity of our anger. It is always important to remember that our initial or “automatic” response to anger may not be the most constructive. We need to watch our words and our actions so that they do not become a damaging expression of our pain.

It is important to note that recent research challenges the once widely held belief concerning the value of letting one’s anger out through the

release of physical energy, e.g., hitting a pillow. It is now believed that this form of “catharsis” can actually reinforce the expression of hostility and aggression, which may increase the likelihood of a similar and even more intense response in the future.

3. Acknowledge Your Anger and Its Source

Go ahead and say it: “I am very angry at all those responsible for hurting and killing innocent people and for violating our freedoms and sense of security as a nation.”

Admitting to yourself, and to those around you, that you are experiencing anger as a result of feeling afraid, hurt or frustrated is key to managing your response. Simply saying out loud that you are angry can help decrease the intensity of your feelings. When we fail to acknowledge our anger we run the risk of holding it in until it overflows or begins to destroy us physically, spiritually and emotionally. Remember, feelings that are buried alive do not die!

4. Tell Yourself the Truth

Here are some objective facts:

• “I, along with my family, friends and country have been seriously and unjustly hurt. To feel angry about that is normal.”

• “To respond to my anger irrationally or aggressively will not serve any positive purpose.”

• “It is good to express my anger in a healthy, God honoring fashion.”

• “Ultimately, God is in control and His judgment will prevail.”

Through you we push back our enemies; through your name we trample our foes. I do not trust in my bow, my sword does not bring me victory; but you give us victory over our enemies, you put our adversaries to shame. Psalm 44:5-7

5. Limit Your Exposure to the Things That Trigger Your Anger

Repeated exposure to stressful images and information can intensify your emotional response. If you find that your anger intensifies when

you watch the news, read the newspaper or talk about the tragedy with a friend or co-worker, then you may need to significantly reduce or eliminate these activities. Find alternative activities to engage in like exercising, reading a book, playing with your children, working around the house, community volunteer work or watching a funny movie. Give yourself a break to help you keep your perspective.

6. Take Constructive Action

Effective anger management often includes engaging in constructive and creative forms of expression. Here are some examples of how you may want to respond to your anger.

• Write letters of condolences to the families of victims

• Write letters of appreciation to those involved in the rescue efforts

• Talk openly and honestly with friends, family and co-workers

• Join in local community relief efforts by donating money, blood or other needed items

• Write a poem, song or letter that expresses how you feel

• Write a letter to those who have attacked our nation and tell them what you think

• Identify ways to help eliminate hate and violence in your community

• Meditate on God’s promises found in Scripture

• Call or write to your government representatives and express support of their efforts

• Participate in community based memorial and prayer services

• Wave the American flag

• Pray without ceasing!

7. Forgive the Offenders

Most importantly, we must come to the place where we are willing to model Christ’s example of forgiveness. Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34

“In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”

Ephesians 4:26-27