Families must submit to God’s order of headship. When you have a functioning group of people, headship must be observed to preclude total chaos. God has set the husband as the head of the family. Paul wrote, “For the husband is the head of the wife…” (Eph. 5:23). Concerning children God through Paul commands, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord…”(Eph. 6:1).

Husband/fathers must accept God’s challenge. Frankly, many men today are failures as husbands and fathers – according to God’s standard! The husband is to love his wife as his own body (Eph. 5:25-33). The father primarily has the responsibility of “…bringing up his children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” (Eph. 6:1). Hence, the father is to head the family, domestically and spiritually.

Wives/mothers must accept God’s challenge. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” She is to “reverence her husband” (Eph. 5:22,33). Both husband and wife are to be unselfish in their relationship (I Cor. 7:2-5). Mothers are to seek the well-being of their children over simply pursuing a career (cf. Prov. 31:1-31).

Beloved, when a family is built on God’s word, it has a lasting foundation which can stand the storms of life (Matt. 7:24-28). How is your family?

The oldest institution known to man is the home (Gen. 1; 2). The antiquity of the home is seen in the fact that the home is vital to civilization. God is the author of the home and has sought through his word to regulate, mold, and form the home to where it is an ideal place for the legitimate fulfillment of the physical, social, and emotional needs of men and women (Gen. 2: 18 ff.). The home is also the perfect arrangement and environment for the upbringing of children (Eph. 6: 1-4). Alas, there are many problems in America regarding the home. A growing number of sociologists and historians are telling us that the traditional home in America is on the endangered species list. Most social ills facing our wonderful and once strong country stem from problems in the homes across this county.

The most recent government census (2000) reveals some interesting facts and figures to all that are interested and have the courage to read the signs and warnings. The census told us that unwed people living together jumped 71. 7 percent during the 1990’s.

According to the census, single women raising children grew five times faster than married couples raising children. David Murray, director of Statistical Assessment Service, a Washington based think tank, said, “We are on the verge of a brand new experiment in American life, where a significant portion of young people will not know the family structure of a married father and mother.” An article appearing in The Orlando Sentinel, May 15, 01 stated, “The latest information shows the American family in a continuing state of flux, with an increasing number of people living together outside marriage and more single women raising children.” Some, in a manifest effort to find something good to say regarding the findings of the census report, state that it does appear divorce is on the decline. What they fail to factor in, though, is that marriage is on the decline, more people are just living together! Another alarming fact emanating from the census is: “The growing number of unmarried partners, which reached 5. 5 million in 2000, also includes same-sex relationships and older people living together, but those numbers won’t be available until further census releases” (Orlando Sentinel, May 15, and 18, 2001).

In view of the signs and warnings, it is especially urgent that we study the home as God intended it to be. I shall attempt to herein accomplish this task by examining the home as a training ground and some threats to the home.

The home as a training ground. Some of the most wonderful and meaningful words in our vocabularies are home and family. When we think of the home, we think of love and security. Some of the most unselfish love that we will ever experience in our entire life is witnessed on the part of a loving father and mother as they dedicate themselves to the protection and nurturing of their children. However, the traditional home of the fifties is rapidly changing, for the worse, I might add.

Children are to be nurtured and trained in the home. When God created the animal kingdom, He placed within the animals an innate instinct, if you will, to nurture and train their offspring. God also intends that humans exercise great training when it comes to their offspring. “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord,” Paul enjoins (Eph. 6: 4). The word translated “nurture” is the Greek noun paideia. W. E. Vine comments thus on paideia:

“Paideia: denotes ‘the training of a child, including instruction;’ hence, ‘discipline, correction,’ ‘chastening,’ Eph. 6:4, RV (AV, ‘nurture’), suggesting the Christian discipline that regulates character; so in Heb. 12:5,7,8 (in ver. 8, AV, ‘chastisement,’ the RV corrects to ‘chastening’); in 2 Tim. 3:16, ‘instruction.’ See INSTRUCTION, NURTURE” (Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words).

It will be observed that “nurture” implies affection and true love and also involves training, education, and discipline, too often absent in the average home in America. More and more Americans do not attend service on Sunday and do not provide spiritually for their children. How sad!

Children are to be taught to honor and respect their parents. The scriptures teach, “Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth” (Eph. 6: 2, 3). Parents should be revered by their children, not viewed as peers or simply friends. “Honor” also involves physical remuneration. Another growing problem in America is the aging population. Government is expected to provide for this increasing segment of our society. However, God places the responsibility on children (see Matt. 15: 4-6, I Tim. 5: 4, 8).

It is in the home that children learn the first lesson in obedience. Paul commands, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right” (Eph. 6: 1). The biblical home is structured (Eph. 5: 22-6: 4). The Bible teaches discipline, both of an instructive and punitive nature (cp. Prov. 13: 24). Children must be provided guidance and rules to be followed. When these rules are violated, proportionate punishment must be exercised. In some areas, we are approaching anarchy and, I submit, much of this rebellion begins in the home, due to either the lack of structure or the reinforcement of discipline.

In the home, children are taught the fundamentals of Christianity. Timothy had from an infant been taught the things of God by his godly mother and grandmother (2 Tim. 3: 15, 1: 5). Jesus, his authority and church, should be an ever present theme in the home, both in teaching and in practice (Matt. 28: 18; Eph. 1: 22, 23). Children must be taught the nature and value of material things (Lk. 12: 15). Respect for God should begin in the home. Young men should be taught the importance of fatherhood and being a provider and leader in the home (Eph. 5: 24 ff., I Tim. 5: 8). Young girls are to be taught their role as a wife and mother and the art of home making (Eph. 5: 22 ff., Tit. 2: 4, 5). It is in the home that young people learn of marriage, as they observe their own parents (couples who just shack up are sending a terrible message to their children). They learn of the sanctity, dignity, and purpose of marriage and home making. The children learn all these matters not only by the verbal teaching of their parents, but also by the good examples their parents are to set for them (Deut. 6: 6-9).

Some threats to our homes. One has only to look around to see the many threats to the home as taught in the Bible.

The sanctity of the home is being destroyed. It seems that the devil has marshaled all his evil influences and directed them at the home. The matter of shacking up is definitely an insult to the sanctity of the home. Just living together belittles the holy nature of the home, in the first place. The statement of living together out of wed lock is, “we do not care enough for each other to commit and we do not care that our children are illegitimate!” Same-sex marriages are going to become more common, I predict. Lesbians and homosexuals in general forming a “marriage” is reprehensible in the sight of God, such is “an abomination” (Lev. 18: 22, Hebrew, a strong odor to the nostrils of God).

Parents shifting their responsibilities to others. Big Brother (the government) is now in the children raising and “home” providing business. Many due to their inability to responsibly act, are forcing government more and more into the role of parents. “The school is not the place for sex education, but parents are not teaching their children at home,” I have heard many times as principles and teachers have explained to me the matter of sex education in the schools. Godless humanism has become a part of many school curriculum’s, replacing the principles of honesty taught in the Bible. Parents are allowing the public schools to provide their children with religion, which happens to often be atheism in the form of organic evolution. The church has also become the substitute for the family. While the church is valuable, God never intended for the local church to act as a substitute for irresponsible mothers and fathers (I Tim. 3: 15).

The flagrant disregard on the part of couples for the God given sphere and roles involved in biblical marriage. The husband is the head, the wife in submission, and the children submit to their parents, this is what the Bible irrefutably teaches (Eph. 5: 22-6: 4). Many families today, alas, are in a state of total chaos as they reject God’s teaching. Women are so busy in pursuing their secular careers and the men are busy being one of the boys. Children are often left at home alone to entertain themselves by watching the filth that is too often seen on television and videos.

Beloved, since God is the author of the home, He knows what is needed for the home to not only survive, but to also prosper. It is not too late to restore the home, the root of so many of the societal problems that are tearing down our wonderful country. It all begins with you and me as individuals. Let us make the home a place that our children will cherish when they grow older and can use to help them model their own homes.

If children do not respect their earthly fathers, then it will not be easy to learn to respect the Heavenly Father. When fathers do not pay close attention to the training necessary for their children, their children will usually develop problems that will build up over time. Children easily get embittered from a father’s wrong word or action. Paul warns against this.

“And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).

Any distance between them greatly influences the way the child will relate to God the Father. Even if he does become a Christian, he will live at a distance from Him. When God works in the life of his people, then they are able to see their bitterness in their own earthly relationships and seek to restore those relationships. Renewal always works itself back to the father-child relationship. When John Newton came to know the Lord, he sought out to be restored to his father. This is just one of many examples of how important spiritual nurturing is for the child.

When we have children, parents are right to pass on lots of love, care and attention to them. Our possessions and affection have been given to us by God to rightly prepare our children for Him. Your children will always have a special relationship with you, but it is critical that our purposes for our children always rise beyond our own needs and desires. We must prepare them to be responsive to God. Parents are God’s stewards. Our job is to properly prepare our children for a life before God. All of our hopes, feelings and attention for our children must come under this understanding. We are accountable to God for how well we do the job.

An Illustration

Let me give you an example. A mother loves dancing. And yet, she never could dance the way she really wanted because she lacked proper training. She so much desires that her daughter would have those opportunities she didn’t have. This is fine. If she is careful to notice, however, as a Christian mother she will detect a silent tension within her.

She will see the potential conflict. One the one hand, she has a desire for her child to have certain opportunities she missed in life. On the other hand, she will see how the pursuit of this will lead to a conflict with the need to know, love and serve God. Like each person, she and her daughter only have so much time. Eventually however, the conflict of priority will be revealed. What happens when that one class or competition happens to be on Sunday, the Lord’s Day? Suddenly the battle will rage within their hearts. Will she take her child to church as always or will she try to convince her husband of the importance of that dance class?^[4] These decisions highlight the need for us to remember that God’s ways always take a priority.

Parents are on a mission to train children to be fit members of His kingdom. God wants children who love His ways and have learned to prioritize what He wants over against their own wants or desires.

These situations will occur time after time. We are either teaching our children to fear the Lord and love His ways or we teach them to seek their own quests and the pleasures of life. As parents, however, we will be held accountable not to our neighbor but to God. Would it not be our greatest earthly reward for a Mom to have her children, “rise up and bless her” (Proverbs 31:28) or thank their Dads for training them in godly ways?! Parenting is lifestyle discipleship training. Food, clothes and education are important, but we would wholly shirk our responsibility if we did not train our children spiritually. They would not be able to join God in His great program nor would they be able to share in the wonderful benefits of His eternal kingdom.

“For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul” (Mark 8:36)?

So what are your hopes and goals for your children? Many parents have not outwardly expressed these hopes and aspirations for their children. In many cases parents haven’t even concretely thought about them. The ideas are there. They influence the parent’s decision-making process but often elude critical thinking.

The more we can catch a glimpse of what our goals are for our children and compare them to what God wants, the easier it will be to rightly handle areas of potential conflict. The more clearly we understand what God wants to do through our lives in our children, the easier it is for us to make the needed sacrifices and ignore the worldly pressures surrounding us. This is the way God’s kingdom is established through the family. We identify His truths. We prioritize his truths. We live by His truths. We pass on His truth to the next generation.

“Let all the earth fear the LORD; Let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him. For He spoke, and it was done; He commanded, and it stood fast. The LORD nullifies the counsel of the nations; He frustrates the plans of the peoples. The counsel of the LORD stands forever, The plans of His heart from generation to generation.” (Psalm 33:8-11)

Pause for Reflection

List at least three things you hope to happen in the lives of your children. Write down as many as you can think of.

List at least three things God wants to do in your children’s lives.

Group the lists together and prioritize the list as much as possible.